I Would Rather Be In Bed

Self-care.

Ughhhh.

Gross.

I almost choked on it just SAYING it. Out loud.

Offensive.

It’s probably one of the most offensive words I know and there are some pretty bad ones out there like…moist. Oat milk. Taxes. Student loans. I mean…you get it, right?

I get the sentiment, don’t get me wrong. But, let’s talk about the first things that entered your mind when I said self-care, shall I? I’m going to implore to the ladies here because well, I am one…  

Ladies, we hear self-care and it’s like the spa day deluxe ad starts playing in your head, right? Massages, nails, hair, creams and oils, facials…ahhhhhh…wine with the gals. Selfffff careeeee…am I right? Do not get me wrong, I like getting pampered as much as the next girl, I like it even more so when someone else pays for it because honestly, that stuff is the most stupid expensive stuff I’ve ever seen. And it’s awesome…amazing! Makes you feel great!

The beauty industry is making a fortune off selling you self-care. You get away from your kids for a few hours, your significant other, you pretend you don’t have bills to pay for a while and as shitty job to go back to. It’s a nice little escape. But a few hours later you’re right back where you were and that self-care was nice but oh so, so short lived.

Tomorrow, you’re going to wake up and your self-care is done.

What did you really gain from your self-care? A few hours away? Some soft skin?

What do you really NEED?

I think too often when we plan for some self-care we don’t often ask ourselves what do we really NEED?

Do you know what self-care actually means? Let’s explore:

Self-care: the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.

            The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.

Taking ACTION to preserve or improve one’s own health.

I think too often we are taking the simple solutions, the superficial solutions, to everyday stress and dressing it up as self-care and feeling like we did something good for ourselves. I mean, we did, like I said, don’t get me wrong. Every single time someone tells me I cannot possibly be old enough to have teenagers I just have a little party in my head and mostly give all the credit to Aveeno lotion because I’ve really only had one facial in my life ever (I was blessed with good skin, what can I say?) but I mean, I GET IT. I’m not saying DON’T do those things. Because ya girl loves a good massage, I’m just saying.

What I want to say is let’s find the TRUE introspection of self-care. Let’s REALLY practice self-care. Because if there is one time in history when we have needed it most, it’s right now. Every minute of every day. Life is dragging us down by the bra straps and it SUCKS. True self-care is needed. Our brains need it. Our hearts need it. Our souls are thirsty for it.

What are the biggest stressors in our lives? Children. Finances. Jobs. Home upkeep. Relationships. Taxes. Politics. Health. Mental Health. Social Media.

What exactly is a few hours in a salon doing to improve the status of any of those stresses?

Which brings me to my point, to me, true self-care is digging down to your core and finding yourself, finding solutions for these problems that offer long term stress relief. That is taking action to improve one’s own health.

Self-care is having hard conversations with your significant other about your relationship that you’ve been avoiding to come to a resolution.

Self-care is finding a new path from a job you hate to one you’ll like. Trust me, it will not be easy. It may seem impossible. But there is a way.

Self-care is examining every aspect of your life to make sure your health conditions are as well controlled as they can be.

Self-care is constantly examining your mental health and looking for ways to improve it.

Self-care is connecting to yourself constantly to make sure you don’t lose yourself in this day and age that is constantly pushing you to be something or someone else.

Self-care is examining your spending to see if you want it or need it and looking for financial freedom.

Self-care is travelling beyond your front door because when you see how big the world is you realize how many ways there are to conquer your problems.

In essence, self-care should result in the ultimate freedom: To live life on your terms. Secure in yourself. Secure in the job you have to have to survive (work to live not live to work). Secure in the relationships you invest yourself and your time into.

Listen, I have a LOT, and I mean like Mt. Everest sized load of self-care work to do myself. My life is kind of a giant trash fire at the bottom of the Mariana Trench, like you’re not really sure how such a thing is so messed up but it is kind of mess. That’s how I even got to thinking about self-care to begin with. Just searching for some quick fix, put a band aid on it, kind of solution.

Band aids are kind of gross though. They get all dirty, then they fall off. And THEN you’re stuck with all that sticky residue on your skin so it’s almost kind of worse than it was before. Really, what I need to do, is go in there and scrub out the dirt, and put some ointment on to help it heal first. I don’t know what that looks like. I’ll probably screw it up nine hundred and fifty-four times, it’s my specialty.

Eventually though, I’ll self-care myself back to some version of living life on my terms. You should too.