I Would Rather Be In Bed

I’m tired.

In the cacophony of modern relationships, it’s easy to feel like you’re shouting into the void, desperately trying to be heard amidst the noise and chaos. The relentless cycle of misunderstanding, miscommunication, and unmet expectations can leave one feeling drained and disillusioned, questioning the very essence of connection and trust.

Those committed to misunderstanding, to twisting your words and intentions into weapons, will always see you as an adversary in a battle that you never signed up for. The pursuit of victory, of being right at all costs, blinds them to the essence of true understanding and empathy.

If your sole purpose in engaging with others is to defend your viewpoint, to listen only to counter and rebut, then what are you truly absorbing from the interactions around you? It becomes a hollow exercise in validation, a sterile dance of egos that offers no genuine connection or growth.

While standing at the threshold of a new chapter in life, the uncertainty of what lies ahead can be both exhilarating and daunting. The desire for genuine connection, for trust unmarred by deception or hidden agendas, feels like a distant dream in a world where truth is often obscured by screens and facades. Trust is so easily fumbled and thrown away and almost impossible to regain

The allure of simplicity, of finding solace in the unspoken companionship of loyal pets, the escapism of thrilling narratives, and the quietude of introspection becomes increasingly palpable. In the hustle and bustle of daily life, the demands of constant emotional labor and the expectation of unwavering support can be suffocating.

Navigating the terrain of relationships in this digital age, where authenticity is often overshadowed by artifice and vulnerability is seen as a weakness, can be a Herculean task. The intricacies of trust, communication, and mutual understanding become starker against the backdrop of manufactured realities and hidden agendas. Devolving further into meaningless arguments that never seem to reach resolution and really, no one wins in the end. We just move on to the next person, eager a excited, just to start the cycle all over again.

These days, I much prefer the demands of my dogs when I stay up far past their bedtime and they demand I retire immediately before they die of exhaustion. I love the quiet constant of my cats who have very few needs and are happy with a few ear scratches a day. I love the fast paced, heart pounding minutes of my thriller books before the penultimate conclusion and then the strange dreams they give me at night.

In a world where asking for time and attention is misconstrued as control and manipulation, where basic emotional needs are viewed as encroachments on personal freedom, the quest for genuine connection can feel like an uphill battle. The narrative of self-sufficiency and independence often masks the very human desires for companionship, support, and empathy.

As the ghosts of antiquated gender roles and societal expectations linger on, the evolution of relationships and the redefinition of boundaries become essential. The balance between individual autonomy and shared responsibilities, between self-care and emotional labor, requires delicate calibration and unwavering self-awareness.

I’m far past the drama and demands of another full grown adult. If you haven’t figured out how to have your shit together by now, honestly what are we doing? Being a nun sounds more appealing than trying to figure out another man. Try and tell a man you want to spend time with him and suddenly you’re manipulating and controlling. How dare you put cages on a mans time! Appalling!

In the midst of this tumult, the question arises – are you a caretaker, a partner, or merely an afterthought in the lives of others?

In a world where emotional labor often goes unrecognized and boundaries are seen as impediments to freedom, the quest for harmony between personal fulfillment and relational dynamics becomes an imperative. Understanding your worth, honoring your needs, and seeking connections that nourish rather than deplete your spirit are essential components of this journey.