I Would Rather Be In Bed

I am so exhausted I want to lay down and sleep for an eternity. But I know one I get there my mind will toss and turn inside my skull keeping me awake.   

Oh. Hello there, depression. Anxiety is here too, how fantastic. I thought I had tucked you neatly back into the corners of my mind where you were both sleeping peacefully. Aided ever so slightly by a pill here and a pill there. 

It seems you both have been nudged awake. My eyes get heavy even as my heart races and my chest gets tight and my thoughts turn into a hurricane. I sigh. Oh panic. Wouldn’t be a proper party without you too. 

The poison seeps in, dragging me down. Telling me all the truths I know, I just know are so true. 

You aren’t worth it. 

You are worthless. 

You are always too much. 

You are never enough. 

You are ugly. 

You heart is stained. 

No one wants it. 

You are broken. 

You are broken. 

You are broken. 

You are broken. 

You are broken. 

You are broken. 

You are broken. 

You are broken. 

You. Aren’t. Worth. It. 

You. Are. Not. Enough. 

You are broken. 

You are broken. 

You are broken. 

You break everything. 

You break everything. 

You break everything. 

You break everything. 

I can’t breathe. I know the rope to climb out is somewhere. But this seems easier. Maybe the only person I’ll hurt down here…is me. 

I’m so tired.